Look
by GoldenSnitch07
Summary: It's all pressing down on her leaving her feel numb. She just doesn't care anymore. Why doesn't anyone see what's going on? They're not looking hard enough. Why won't they look? *Kairi one shot* rated T just to be safe


This is the first I've posted in quite awhile. It is quite exciting. Quite. I tried to stay away from angst, but here it is rearing it's ugly little head. I have some other stuff planned. There's a Kingdom Hearts songfic to "Heartbeat", another Kingdom Hearts story, and a Rebel Angels story that I have nearly three chapters of finished.

This is just a one shot. It really has no point at all. I just wanted to post something so very badly that it resulted as this, but I shall post something more meaningful soon. With track and play practice, I'm not sure how soon "soon" actually is, but I shall work hard for you loyal readers. *looks around* Anyone? Haha j/k.

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**Look**

Kairi lays on her bed. The lights are off. No one's home anyway. No one, no one, no one. On her dresser sits her mp3, blaring music. She's trying to drown it all out. If the music is loud enough, maybe she can just slip into it, becoming that one line no one would ever forget.

Their faces appear before her. They laugh and point. "Freak!" they practically shout. But they never speak. It's they way they act around her. Namine, so perfect with her blonde hair and short dresses. She doesn't even have to try, everything is hers. All of them, Namine, Olette, Aerith, none of them struggle for what they want.

She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes as a new song comes on. "It's a state of bliss you think you're dreaming. It's the happiness inside that you're feeling. It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry." That song played the first time they danced together. Tears slip down her face. Sora, she whispers. A perfect guy. Perfect for a girl like Namine.

Kairi's back at that party. Roxas's house. The music is loud. She's been drinking too much, but she tips the red plastic cup to her mouth again anyway. She's standing with Riku and Roxas and Olette. Where's Sora? Riku laughs at something Roxas says. Kairi joins in. Where's Sora? No one knows. So many people she has to get through to make it to the stairs. A pounding in her head and an ache in her stomach has her searching for the restroom now. She opens a door.

At first they don't notice her. She feels sick. Sound is impossible. Sora's hands reach for the bottom of Namine's shirt and he opens his eyes for a minute. Kairi turns, slamming the door. Where's the bathroom? She walks downstairs again back to her friends, still feeling sick.

They don't even ask. They don't see all that pain in her eyes. Soon, Sora and Namine come downstairs. She wraps her arms around Roxas. He has no idea where she was only a few minutes ago. She refuses to tell him either. Let him find out the same way. Sora looks at her pleadingly. Kairi shakes her head and walks out the door leaving all of them back there with no explanation.

When she gets home, her parents don't see something's wrong. As messed up as she is, they don't even realize she's drunk. She smiles and says she's tired. They believe her. For once won't someone see there's more to it than that?

Kairi lifts a hand to her eyes. That was two weeks ago. Namine is still with Roxas. Let them remain ignorant. No one else sees, or maybe they just don't care. Namine has it all; Roxas and Sora, the clothes, the looks. Kairi wanted something to call her own. She wanted her own dirty little secret like Namine.

She sits up on her bed, a strand of auburn hair matted to her face with tears. The girl yanks it away as she walks over to her computer desk and begins digging through the drawers. She finds it. The broken pencil sharpener. Almost too easily, she pulls the blade loose.

The blade in hand, she sits back on the bed. This is her little secret. She can control this part of her life. Sora, those girls, they can't take this from her. Let them have happy lives. She'll suffer enough for all of them. Where a few minutes ago there was frustration, she's now filled with bittersweet relief. This is hers. The blade is in her hand. It's cool against the soft skin on her wrist. She presses down; it stings. She presses down harder, dragging it across. Blood drips down her arm and on the bed. A smile creeps across her face, but she's crying again, crying for everything she's been holding back. It feels good to know she's can still feel.

In the dark of that room, amidst tears and blood, she realizes she's alive underneath all that pain. "This innocence is brilliant..." her mp3 sings.

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I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Avril Lavigne. I would appreciate reviews. Thanks!


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